Even More Science Fiction!

MR. FUDD STRANDED ON MOON

JACK BRAGEN

Mr. Elmer Fudd was eighty and in good physical health, wore thick glasses yet still had trouble with eyesight, was hard of hearing, and was senile somewhat.  Other than that, all of his life, Elmer Fudd had been chivalrous and not afraid of any call to action. 
     On this Friday at five o'clock, Elmer Fudd was riding in a passenger bus headed from the Moon's spaceport toward the lunar resort hotel and casino.  The view from the observation room was said to be spectacular--the Earth was at all times visible, and the stars shone brilliantly among inky blackness. 
     However, Elmer Fudd and the five other passengers of the moon bus never made it to the resort.  The vehicle had broken down in the middle of desolate, airless landscape.  The driver radioed for help and was told it would take six hours or more--a crisis had occurred.  Nuclear war had broken out between several countries on Earth, and the security forces of the moon base were scrambling to activate the moon's defenses. 
    "How can I help?" said Elmer Fudd.  "I'm trained in combat and I can handle any emergency situation."
     The bus driver visually assessed Elmer Fudd, seeing the thick glasses and the dual hearing aids, as well as the modest stature, white hair and lack of a younger man's sturdy physique.   
     "Just remain seated sir, and I'll do the rest."  The bus driver directed his attention toward his communication box, and began to frantically exchange texts with emergency services.
     Elmer Fudd began to asses the situation as he understood it, although his thinking was fairly fuzzy. 
    
     The driver of the moon bus donned a spacesuit and stepped into the cramped airlock of the vehicle.  The repair necessitated accessing a panel on the outside of the vehicle--the onboard computer had said so. 
     The bus driver breathed heavily from the exertion of attempting repairs while in a spacesuit.  He was unused to moon walking--the regulations concerning the competence of moon employees had been slackened at the urging of lobbyists. 
     Fudd watched the work of the bus driver from his seat.  Next, Fudd gasped as he saw that the driver's arm was abruptly severed at the elbow--blood rained out of the torn arm of the spacesuit, illuminated in the harsh sunlight as crimson spray.  The moon bus had lurched at the moment the driver's arm became severed.  One of the four tires on the vehicle was shredded. 
     A fellow passenger, Ms. Willis, turned to Mr. Fudd:  "Was it a meteor?" 
     The driver had been killed almost instantly.  His body lay several yards away--escaping air and blood had moved it. 
     "I'll rescue us!" Elmer declared.  He donned the one remaining spacesuit and stepped into the airlock.  Ms. Willis hadn't had a moment to raise an objection. 
     The radio receiver in Fudd's spacesuit produced a sputter of static noise. "Johnston, what is your location?" 
     "There is no more Johnston," Fudd declared.  "A meteor just killed him.  We are near the midpoint between the landing field and the hotel.  Our vehicle is disabled."
     "We can't help you.  War has broke out.  We have to keep our shield up.  Are there any family you would like me to inform?"  
     "We're not finished yet," declared Elmer.  "Where is that screwy rabbit?"  
     A flying saucer abruptly landed twenty yards from the ground car.  A hatch in the saucer opened, and out came a midget spaceman in a spacesuit that resembled a Roman gladiator outfit.  Two large eyes were visible only, within the front opening of the spaceman's helmet. 
     "You are my prisoner.  Submit."  The spaceman's voice had an echoing quality as though he were speaking from within a large enclosure. 
     Buggs Bunny appeared on the scene.  He was wearing a space outfit that accommodated his ears.  He chewed on a carrot through the front opening.  "What's up…?"   
     "You screwy rabbit!  My vehicle needs a new wheel, plus something is wrong with the fuel cell," declared Elmer.   
     The midget spaceman pulled out his ray gun.
     "Now just a minute…"  Buggs jammed a half-eaten carrot into the muzzle of the space man's ray gun. 
     "Robots, cease and desist," declared Fudd.  "Go into commanded mode." 
     Buggs and the spaceman abruptly stopped moving.  Fudd, who had a dual role as an entertainment robot and as an emancipated robot, made a signal toward the passengers of the moon bus to reassure them.  He took the remote control of the flying saucer from the hand of the Roman gladiator / spaceman, and made the space vehicle open up.  Fudd stepped inside. 
     At the control of the spacecraft, Elmer Fudd used the ship's magnet to pick up the ground car.  Before he headed toward the hotel, he spoke through his radio to the robots he was leaving behind--Buggs and the midget spaceman.  "As you were…"
     The two entertainment robots resumed their act, yet in the absence of an audience.  It made the two robots happier than they might otherwise be.  Meanwhile Elmer Fudd hoped that the hotel where he and the busload of passengers headed would still be there for them and would not be destroyed by a missile when they got to it.  Regardless of the fate of foolish human beings, the robots would continue to be around, and didn't have the same problem getting along with each other.